Received as email and it's funny :P

Since I don't worry about offending peeps and being politically correct, and no one has posted it yet, I thought I would put this copy of an email I received up for your viewing pleasure
How true it is, even some agree with it that aren't rednecks!

NEW PREAMBLE TO THE CONSTITUTION
>
>
> The following has been attributed to State Representative Mitchell Kaye
> from GA. This guy should run for President one day...
>
>
>
> "We the sensible people of the United States, in an attempt to help
> everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice, avoid more riots,
> keep our nation safe, promote positive behavior, and secure the blessings
> of debt-free liberty to ourselves and our
> gr eat-great-great-grandchildren, hereby try one more time to ordain and
> establish some common sense guidelines for the terminally whiny, guilt
> ridden, delusional, and other liberal thinkers. We hold these truths to
> be self evident: that a whole lot of people are confused by the Bill of
> Rights and are so dim they require a Bill of NON-Rights."
>
> ARTICLE I: You do not have the right to a new car, big screen TV, or any
> other form of wealth. More power to you if you can legally acquire them,
> but no one is guaranteeing anything.
>
> ARTICLE II: You do not have the right to never be offended. This country
> is based on freedom, and that means freedom for everyone -- not just you!
> You may leave the room, turn the channel, express a different opinion,
> etc; but the world is full of idiots, and probably always will be.
>
> ARTICLE III: You do not have the right to be free from harm. If you stick
> a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more careful; do not expect the
> tool manufacturer to make you and all your relatives independently
> wealthy.
>
> ARTICLE IV: You do not have the right to free food and housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found, and will gladly help anyone
> in need, but we are quickly growing weary of subsidizing generation after
> generation of professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than
> the creation of another generation of professional couch potatoes .
>
> ARTICLE V: You do not have the right to free health care. That would be
> nice, but from the looks of public housing, we're just not interested in
> public health care.
>
> ARTICLE VI: You do not have the right to physically harm other people. If
> you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim, or kill someone, don't be surprised
> if the rest of us want to see you fry in the electric chair.
>
> ARTICLE VII: You do not have the right to the possessions of others. If
> you rob, cheat, or coerce away the goods or services of other citizens,
> don't be surprised if the rest of us get together and lock you away in a
> place where you still won't have the right to a big screen color TV or a
> life of leisure.
>
> ARTICLE VIII: You do not have the right to a job. All of us sure want you
> to have a job, and will gladly help you along in hard times, but we
> expect you to take advantage of the opportunities of education and
> vocational training laid before you to make yourself useful. (AMEN!)
>
> ARTICLE IX: You do not have the right to happiness. Being an American
> means that you have the right to PURSUE happiness, which by the way, is a
> lot easier if you are unencumbered by an over abundance of idiotic laws
> created by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
>
> ARTICLE X: This is an English speaking country. We don't care where you
> are from, English is our language. Learn it or go back to wherever you
> came from! (Lastly....)
>
> ARTICLE XI: You do not have the right to change our country's history or
> heritage. This country was founded on the belief in one true God. And
> yet, you are given the freedom to believe in any religion, any faith, or
> no faith at all; with no fear of persecution. The phrase IN GOD WE TRUST
> is part of our heritage and history, and if you are uncomfortable with
> it, TOUGH!
>

The Aisle Seat

Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London .
One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.

Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, 'I need to get up and get a coke.'

'Don't get up,' said the Marine, 'I'm in the aisle seat, I'll get it for you.'

As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.. When the Marine returned with the coke, the other Arab said, 'That looks good, I'd really like one, too.'

Again, the Marine obligingly went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marine's other shoe and spat in it. When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight. < br>
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes and knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over and asked his Arab neighbors, 'Why does it have to be this way?' How long must this go on?
This fighting between our nations?
This hatred?
This animosity?
This spitting in shoes and pissing in cokes?'

THE FEW… THE PROUD... THE MARINES

LMAO!!
The clerks...I got one of those workin for me

OMG I haven't laughed that hard in a long time! My daughter tells a story about a large nationwide company (not to be named here but most of you know where she works) Where the IT people were having a meeting and they looped the network..and took out the entire country!

And there was a memorable conversation here about seeing eye dogs helping people drive. (name with held to protect the innocent _Nog__)

Biology 101

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class, "Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly, "Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question.

Miss Johnson, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

"Correct, " said Mr. Perkins. "An now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you:
"One, you have not studied your lesson."
"Two, you have a dirty mind."
"And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Sorry in advance if this offends anyone.

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay conaining these four elements:
-Religion
-Royalty
-Sex
-Mystery

The prize winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen, "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it?"

Apologies again if this offends anyone.

It seems that when the Lord was making the world, he called man over and bestowed upon him twenty years of normal sex life.

Man was horrified, "Only twenty years of normal sex life?"

The Lord was adamant that was all man could have.

Then the Lord called the monkey and gave him twenty years. "But I don't need twenty years", he said, "Ten is plenty for me."

Man spoke up eagerly, "Can I have the other ten?" The monkey graciously agreed.

Then the Lord called the lion and gave him twenty years, and the lion, like the monkey wanted only ten. Again the man spoke up, "Can I have the other ten?" The lion said of course he could.

Then came the donkey and he was given twenty years, but like the others, ten was sufficient. Again man pleaded, "Can I have the other ten?" THe donkey said yes he could.

(Like Uriah says..... wait for it....)




This explains why man has twenty years of normal sex life, plus ten years of monkeying around, ten years of lion about it, an ten years of making an ass of himself.

heheheh

That was funny. =)

Heheheh

To each a special gift is given =)

what old people do to have fun

OMG

Too funny!!! LOL

Dear Employees:

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way. To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy, we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead. This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.

So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars and have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change...... I gave it to them.


I will see the rest of you at the annual company picnic.


THE BOSS

rofl
I loved it.
Gimped it for FaceBook
since I have no shame...